Dear Lucifer, Lord of the Flies,
I don't get out to gigs as much as I should as I like to spend my evenings thinking of new and interesting ways in which to kiss your mighty stinkin' ass. If there is any chance of a bit of advertising revenue for my blog, so much the better. It really is a shame that your chosen representative on "Earth" the Anti-Christ Mitt Romney has failed to gain nominal control of the world's most grossly over-consuming and hypocritical nation. We (and when I write "we" I refer to myself, my drummer, and my valet for my sharpest of sharp suits) watched the US elections with immense fascination and when we saw that Muslim fanatic Obama win again, we knew it must be time for Armageddon.
We have followed your adventures on Radio 4 with great joy, and know you have demons at your command. Please send Scum Spawn and the rest of your vile hord to teach Obama a lesson. The sick people must pay to be sick, and the more the better as we all know it is money that makes the world go round, not gravity as proposed by that god fearing fool Isaac Newton-Bomb.
That peace loving war criminal Obama must be stopped before he taxes the rich! Please nuke his homeland Iran and return us quickly to the Dark Ages so that we can get on with the serious business of hoarding more Lovely Money instead of using it to facilitate barter, the purpose for which it was invented by that famous Dutch playboy Socrates in the thirteenth century.
Your unfaithful servant,