Funny Money

Suggested soundtrack to read this to:
"Money is Not Our God"
"Age of Greed"
"Dark Forces" by KILLING JOKE
"Silk Skin Paws" by WIRE
"Party 'til the World Obeys" by MEAT PUPPETS

MONEY does not exist. It is just convenient to pretend it does living in Europe as human beings approach a greater evolutionary leap than the invention of the wheel. However money can buy food and fun if you have any, unlike the boring British economy which is running on empty at the point of collapse. I thought I might as well make the Euro work for me last year. It was obvious the pound was going to fall relative to the Euro, so I changed a lot of my British money to the European version. I was right and made about twenty pence on every pound I swapped, which is a hell of a lot better than the pathetic interest rates the bank misers are paying to the savers who maintain these corrupt corporations. By removing money from the British banks it was also a tiny little protest against the illegal Middle East wars started by that moral hypocrite Tory Bliar, who should really be on trial for war crimes and not eligible to run for president of Europe.

TESCO are like a cancer on the face of the Earth, epitomising the all consuming problem of capitalism; expansion at any cost until the point of collapse. Their link cash machines currently donate an unspecified amount of money to a muscular dystrophy charity, so each time you withdraw cash its a good idea to make several withdrawals of ten pounds so the charity gets more from the wheat infested supermarket bulldozers. Reason to hate Tesco: the way they get away with building more and more boring standardised shops and pushing smaller more interesting food sellers out of the areas they've served well for longer, despite massive opposition from local people.

http://www.tescopoly.org/

http://www.keepchorltoninteresting.org/

Another funny thing to do with a credit card is go to some big supermarket and buy a single piece of fruit or vegetable that costs less than the 17p they have to pay to Visa every time a customer uses a card. If everyone who hates the business practises of Asda, Tesco and Sainsburys did this it would be much funnier. Supermarkets pass money to unnecessary credit card middlemen who get more of it than the farmers who grow the vegetables.

VISA are parasites worse than politicians. Whilst the inept banks have caused massive problems by playing markets like casinos, and the government pours money into them so that they can keep on paying themselves obscene wages of death, they have slashed interest rates for savers to nothing but not reduced the interest on credit cards. They are also a minor annoyance in shops as credit cards nearly always take longer then cash transactions. Since the tired joke of capitalism is probably going to implode in the next few years, everyone might as well borrow as much as possible. After all that's how the Scotsman Alistair Eyebrows has been running the British economy. Might as well go out in debt when we revert to a primitive society or a cyber utopia free of the vile cancer of monetary CONtrol.

How much longer?