Tuesday, 4 September 2018

Full Mantis (twelfth letter to Lowri)


You keep surprising me. I didn’t expect to turn a corner and be confronted by a giant Lowri hangin’ on to a telephone! It wasn’t a hologram, just a two dimensional image, so there was no chance of any fishy interaction. Is this how they entice people to sit in a future office these days? If you put a picture of Lowri Evans on the barrier that keeps the people out of a construction site on Thirst Street will they all stay out? Or will kiddies climb over the Lowri to play in the scaffolding? Today at least your image was keeping trespassers out, even though it doesn’t seem at all threatening. How do you do it? By the time the sky blocking tower block is built I predict office workers will all turn on their computers and switch them off again in the nude and waft the stench of decaying fish through the air conditioning.

I was heading to Home to see a film about jazz drummer Milford Graves and the met office had put out a huge name drop warning. I met modular synthesist Sam Weaver just after I bought my ticket. The till lady asked me if I’d ever seen a film at Home before and I had to confess I was a Home film virgin, but proudly showed her my Hotpants Romance shoulder bag and told her I’d seen this band play at Home. As you might recall I lost my Home exhibitionism virginity to Hotpants Romance last Valentine’s Day. I climbed the stairs with Sam, having completely forgotten all the directions the till lady had given me, but we found our way to the cinema without any fishy mishaps. Inside there were eleven people I know, and there was a seat left next to our friend Stuart Calton who is half a Sippy Cup. Next to him was the other half of Sippy Cup and third of Silver Dick the facebook free Kate Armitage and next to her was Martyn Walker. Next to him were Helen Brealey and David Birchall. David is such a Milford Graves enthusiast that he’d already seen the film in a Sheffield cinema. Afterwards he confessed to some confusion about Milford’s philosophising and I warned him that the Sun Ra “Space is the Place” film showing at Home on Sunday might push his philosophical boat much further out. Or should that be farther out? Who cares, as long as you know what I mean. Those who also watched: Paddy Steer, Graham Massy, Sam’s brother Christian Weaver, Fred who may or may not be on facebook and a fellow whose name I don’t know or forgot who I met when Damo Suzuki played a gig with the band who used to be The Fall. All of them were wearing clothes and no one had brought a fish, but they’ll learn. The film was called “Full Mantis” after Milford’s revelation that he had to learn his moves from the preying mantis. It was funny and moving, especially the concert with autistic Chinese children and Milford’s account of how he avoided prison by being nice when buying cheese after he went on a rampage with a pistol against some people who were trying to kill his son. Stuart was so into it he kept wiggling about in his seat in rhythmic excitement.
Outside the skies had broken, crying that Trump was making England worse again with his odious presence. That sexist racist fascist dictator wannabe with lots of shiny missiles to point at “little rocket man” had ruined the heatwave, just like he spoils everything else he can. My luck was in, as I found a big broken discarded umbrella to shelter me and my trusty Hotpants bag from the crying clouds as I hurried to The Peer Hat where I was just in time to see the second funniest band in Manchester ever, Jeuce. More on them later, as I have to make some silly signs for the anti-Trump demo party on Albert Square. Wish you were here like that demo when we marched against Trump together. Please send your hologram!!

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